I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
