My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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