By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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