Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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