CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
