dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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