I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
