so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
