just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
