you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i drank out of a bidet.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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