ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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