I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
