If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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