I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
