Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize