that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
