they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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