I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
