I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize