hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
