a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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