For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
