I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Randomize
