My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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