can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sext me about skeletons
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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