I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
