Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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