A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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