first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
