this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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