i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
