Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
