For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
