Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
