i don't like sucking hair
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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