You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
