i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We smell like vodka and hangover
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