Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I licked your asshole in confidence.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize