oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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