New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
