well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
