I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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