Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
whose ass print is on the piano?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize