i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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