Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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