i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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