i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
