i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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