Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
