maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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