I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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