Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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