dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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