I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize