well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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