Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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