She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
