At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize