I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
