I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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