Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
