I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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