told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
