i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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