New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
