i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
