I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
